Where'd me go?

The nights go by.
The sleep wont come.
I let out a sigh and know I'm done.
Where's the hope I used to feel?
There's too much pain!
Can this be real?!
I'm not me.
No not the person I used to be.
She found joy
in everything.
The shining baby doll
with a gapped tooth smile
with a loving spirit
that went on for miles.
She took a trip across the sea
to find the person she called"Me".
Not knowing Me was right there by here side,
Me tagged along for the ride.
Me got lost in all their hearts
and when it was time for them to part
they all took a piece of me home,
but she went home all alone.

OBAMA WON!!!

Finally a change! A great change for my people, for all people. MLK would be so proud. I'm SOOO happy. I've had to keep this under raps for the longest time since it seems that every one in my life is a hardcore MCCain/ Palin person. I had an older friend of mine tell me that people who voted for Obama were stupid...not knowing that I voted for him earlier that day. I'm not ashamed of my vote though. No way! My ancenstors have gone through way too much for me to be ashamed of it. I've gone through way too much. Everytime I wasn't casted in a role because of the color of my skin. The way that when I open up my mouth to speak most people are suprised to hear me for the first time because I don't use ebonics. Going through a store, being followed around just because I'm "Ethnic" and they think this means I'll steal something. I feel that with a man of colour in office we as a country will start making some changes and stop judging each other when it comes to skin color. Because my blood is exactly the same color as yours. It's red. I bleed just like you. I hurt just like you and I just want to live my life judgment free....just like you.

"WE SHALL OVERCOME!"

Along day

Ok. wow! So I've had the last few days to mope around and completely be mad at the world. Last night I was talking to Colleen on the phone and everything that I've been feeling for the past few months(since getting out of UWP) totally exploded out of me. I was so frustrated and mad at the world. I told her that I felt like a heart shaped pin cushion who was always gushing and giving out love and that everyone else was just sticking pins into me and refusing to give the love back. Anyway, I felt a little bit better after letting that out and finally telling someone how I felt. After I got of the phone with Colleen, a friend named Michelle I.M.ed me and asked me if I was feeling any better than the last time she talked to me. Michelle had only known me for a few months, but I have a relationship with her that is stronger than most.
I really look up to her. For her to show that she actually cared about how I was feeling made the night satisfying and complete.
This morning when I woke up i felt SOOO blissful. So rejuvenated. I stayed that way all day. I love what God is doing in me even though it hurts sometime. I know my life is gonna be great.
I had three classes today. Pre- Production, Post- Production and Theatre. In my Theatre class we had to sit down and read roles out loud. I found myself getting anxious and really nervous. Me and Aoife had worked on my anxiety on the UWP trip. I was letting it get in the way. Tonight I decided that that will never again hinder me. I miss her and the help she would give me, but now I have to do this on my own. I have to go for things without being so scared that I stop myself. I've done that all my life and it hasn't gotten me very far. Just imagine how awesome my life would be if I just let go of the fear. Tonight I decided I was going to follow my heart and go into theatre and music after all. Why am I denying myself of my passion. That's crazy. Tonight has been a good thinking night...and I still have hw to do. oy!

andrea's wedding

So after all the craziness that Andrea and I went through we finally mended our relationship tonight. I think it's crazy to fight over political issues. When you love someone you learn to keep your mouth shut about certain things. Like the fact that she was marrying a girl really had nothing to do with me, so why the heck would I admit that I was a little uncomfortable with it. Just leave it alone.
I feel like I almost lost her due to a religious opinion. God told me to Love everyone. Love the sinner hate the sin. I'm done with making judgments about other people. It takes away from the beauty of life if we all can't just be different and be fine with that.
I had an amazing time at her wedding tonight. I think I really could learn to except Emma. She really is a nice girl. I mean....I know it's going to take some adjusting to, but I don't think it will be so bad after all.
I felt so...wanted tonight. I haven't felt that way in along time. Everyone at the wedding said that they had heard so much about me, meaning that Andrea cared enough to tell them. that means a lot to me.
It sucks that I almost lost someone i really love and adore to a foolish opinion that should have never been voiced. I'm just glad I got a second chance.

Confusion

So right now my life is crazy confusing and to be honest, I'm not sure that i know exactly where i stand or where I'm going. After Up with people i was left feeling like my life would never be as exciting and adventurous ever again. Now a few months after i don't know if i feel that way anymore. I feel like there may be an exciting future laying somewhere ahead of me. I'll just have to work hard for it and really seek it out.
I want so much to keep traveling and exploring the world and meeting other people. i miss just meeting random people on a daily basis and staying in there houses and really getting to know them, while prying my way into their hearts. It's an incredible feeling. i miss traveling on the road with my Irish big sister Aoife and knowing that even thought she said harsh things that almost made me cry she only said them because she loved me and wants to make me a better person. i miss being able to go to here everyday and tell her my problems. I miss not knowing where i am and not knowing what day of the week it is, because nothing is ever routine. it's so hard because sometime I feel like God gave me the perfect life. the life I've always dreamed of. A life on the road where I was free. Free to make mistakes and be care free. Free to learn without fear. it was awesome!
now I'm just dealing with crazy things that keep me feeling limited to what exactly my life is and can be. i can't drive yet, so i feel so trapped. It's crazy!
even though I can't drive I find ways to get around, but it takes a long time. I've been trying to learn. i have my permit and my dad has only had enough time to take me driving twice. it kinda sucks.Anyhow, i feel like I'm just complaining. I know that I'm extremely lucky and everyone has problems in life. i am pretty content on a daily basis. I like the classes i take and I actually like my job...well apart from my evil manager who hates me. Oh well. You can't please everyone.

I love my new theater teacher Stacy. I honestly think we could be friends for life. she so kool and she's really cute. i can't wait to audition for the play at school next semester. i really feel like my acting career is an actual tangible goal. Crazy eh?


The days are gone
They're only memories
Only a constant breeze
That sweeps through my mind
From time to time
Only a distant whisper
How to get them back
Is a mystery
Those days are what I lack
They're gone with the tides in the sea